Script Review: [UTW] Fate/Zero – 14

It’s not enough that UTW should succeed. Commie should fail. Just kidding. They both fail… sorta.

Purple turd in Japan... sounds like a good name for a Tumblr blog.

r/a/ge level: 5/100. Honorifics are present. Spoken/Eastern name order. Romaji, kanji, and English lyrics are available for the opening and ending.

The 5 points come from rabid UTW fans who will hate on Commie for continuing their release of Fate/Snore while glorious UTW is already working on it.

You got that right!

An improvement upon the original. I can dig it.

Nope. You don’t capitalize “mister” or “miss,” like you wouldn’t do it when you say, “Hey, boy,” or “Hey, sir.” This is a pretty big pet peeve of mine. I usually let it slide when it works or has some impact on what’s being said, but this is not one of those cases. What was wrong with “dude,” anyway?

Observer > eyewitness. Or is this some secret intelligence-gathering organization doing this work?

This line feels disjointed and awkward, possibly because of “yet” and “despite” being used. The original was better than this change.

Or, “Even their combined strength isn’t enough to destroy that disgusting thing?”

Additional > more. It really is that simple, gentlemen. Don’t try to make things harder than they have to be. (That’s what she said.)

An improvement over the original. I liked Commie’s, too, though I forgot to screenshot it. Oh well.

“How dare you?!”

Good job, UTW. You took the original line and added an error. Almost as bad as ignoring an error in the first line of a script. (I’m looking at you, Commie.)

I can’t tell who’s right or wrong. Diablo and diabolo are different things. I’m more inclined to believe the professionals on this, but who knows?

I guess both Commie and UTW improved the phrasing of this line from the original. I really like the comparison between lying on the ground and daring to fly in the heavens.

“Heaven” should be capitalized, or it should be “the heavens.”

Once again, this sounds stupid. Is “playpen” or “sandbox” too liberal or something?

Uh-huh… I probably would’ve done something stupid like, “Prepare for awesome!” Apparently a reference to last season. Doesn’t change the fact that the release had elementary school-level mistakes. Maybe “The ultimate in ‘cool’!”?

What I liked:

The dialogue was slightly better than Commie and NicoNico. I pointed out some of the better changes I enjoyed. Blatantly wrong lines were improved, some stayed the same, and some got worse. This is a solid/average release. Mainly because of NicoNico, the Tohsaka and Disgustingface exchange was pretty good.

What I didn’t like:

From what I’ve seen, I have very little faith in any of the groups handling Fate/Zero. In this short episode alone, there were so many things wrong or things that could’ve been changed. I appreciate the effort to improve some lines, but an editor needs a firm grasp on natural and technical English. This applies to Commie’s release, too. Otherwise, things are subject to the base quality of NicoNico. I at least have faith in Raze’s QC to catch the more grievous errors their typist or he himself might make during the typing and editing phase.

Overall Grade: 3 Noble Phantasms… out of 5.

Editor’s Note: So far, your choices for F/Z are essentially a sub track with honorifics (UTW) or one without (Commie). And if you don’t care, just grab whichever group comes out first. Your experience won’t differ by much.

This entry was posted by brainchild.

3 thoughts on “Script Review: [UTW] Fate/Zero – 14

  1. Most of your English edits are just personal preference and should not be pointed out. Similar to the “additional” and “more” change you pointed out. There is absolutely no need for that to be changed. It all comes down to preference.

    As to the “how dare you!” I am not sure how you can interpret that as a question. As you usually say “how dare you!” when you are angered. I have yet to see the episode, so I am not sure how.

    Anyways, I enjoy your Translation critique.

    If there is any English or grammar errors blame my phone.

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