Script Review: [Tsuki] Ozma – 01

Here comes Tsuki with another entry in the anime-saving race – Ozma!

Thresher maw don't give a shit.

Yeah, I don't either.

r/a/ge level: 20/100. Honorifics are untranslated. (30/100 when they find out it’s actually a Crunchyroll rip.)

Dark_Sage’s script review (NYI)

EighthSin’s translation review (NYI)

Ji-Hi screenshot comparisons (NYI)

Doppler signal off the bow.

Doppler signal? Tsk, tsk, Tsuki. Doppler signal is not a “thing.” Radar signals are, though. You know, radio waves and whatnot? Once again, might I suggest, “Radar indicates something straight ahead” or “Radar’s picking up something off the bow”? (“The” optional.) The second suggestion may be redundant because another character points out that it is, indeed, coming off the bow.

No way... it can't be!

Déjà vu. It’s like I’m really re-watching Crunchyroll’s release with a new font and horrendous karaoke effects. “No way. It can’t be!” I was never a fan of in-line ellipses.

Ozma sighted!

You know, I didn’t point out this out before, but I got to thinking… What if this line was like, “Ozma ahoy!” It’s incredibly juvenile, but whatever, I laughed.

Good food always perks me up.

I didn’t bother pointing this out for Crunchyroll/HorribleSubs, but I can’t help it here, when this is supposed to be a CR rip/edit. I don’t know anyone who would actually say this, so “[Some] good food always cheers me up” or “Nothing cheers me up like some good food.”

The Captain will yell at us if you drop it.

A huge pet peeve of mine. I wouldn’t capitalize “the president,” even if I were referring to the President of the United States of America. I’ll let it slide as a stylistic choice if Tsuki can remain consistent. Even then, the line could be improved to say, “If you drop anything, the captain’ll have your head!” You know, (sand) pirate talk.

You gotta be ready!

“You better be ready!”

So, like, Tsuki has fixed one line (“Uh-oh!”) out of everything. This is looking to be a waste of time. At least it’s a waste of my time and not yours, right? Sorry if you happen to be one of the couple thousand who’ve downloaded Tsuki’s release.

We need to patch you up!

It’s just a scratch. “We should get that checked out!”

That'll do it.

“Okay, you’re good to go.”

Want one? It'll perk you up.

This was in the original script, I think. “Want some? It’ll get your blood flowing.” The important part is “Want some?” though.

It looks like you've brought trouble, again.

Pointless comma.

I'm jealous.

“I envy you.”

Jeez... you make a woman cry.

How unnatural. “Oh, please… You’re gonna/You’ll make me cry.”

Yes... right!

Mimay is surprised by Sam’s sudden order. She complies, but the subs reflecting her surprise couldn’t hurt: “Uh… okay!”

I'll bet the Theseus is really surprised!

Awkward. “I bet that surprised ‘em!”

What I liked:

Everything in the original script and the few (and I mean very few) fixes Tsuki afforded over the prosubs.

What I didn’t like:

I actually don’t mind honorifics, but having the same mistakes as the prosubs is pretty unacceptable. See above.

Overall Grade: 3 reviews of Ozma so far… out of 5.

This entry was posted by brainchild.

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