Editing/typesetting review: [UTW] Shinsekai Yori – 02

Yes, you read that right.

First, a little bit of an introduction. Since it seems both Xythar and Yukiatsuruko have died/become extremely lazy, I decided to start writing editing reviews as well. Editing will be graded on Yukiatsuruko’s 1-5 scale since I’m too lazy to think of my own and typesetting will be graded on my old scale of A+ to F. Also, I may mention the timing if it’s particularly bad. Anyway, enjoy.(?)

Editing
Typesetting
Grades

Editing

But they haven’t actually changed it yet, so this doesn’t really make any sense, especially since all the lines after are speaking hypothetically. I’d go with “It should be easier to push.”

You could say the translation for this line was just as expected.

“They’re trying to use their momentum to break through!”

“Damn, they’re gonna make it!”

Maybe it’s just me, but I pretty much never hear people say this anymore. I’d go with “Piece of cake!”

“It’s cracked.” No need to make it any more wordy than that.

“An axle wouldn’t last, though.” or “The axle won’t last, though.” depending on which it’s supposed to be.

I hate comma splices.

“I bet it’s gonna fall apart in no time.” I mean, you just used something informal like this a few minutes ago for this character.

Should be “the final is a draw.” to keep with what was used earlier.

How does one have a camp? “You’ll be going off to camp soon.”

I don’t see why “Temple” is capitalized. As far as I can tell, it’s not a proper noun here.

“river” should be capitalized.

Should probably be “We are” since the teacher had no contractions previously (including of “we are”).

“disobey them”

Remove “feeling”.

Too long for the time allotted. I’d remove “team ball”.

Better hope they explain the different meanings of Minoshiro sometime soon.

Typesetting

Why the hell is it green?

Quite a good font.

That’s supposed to be black, not dark gray.

Yep.

Could be a bit less blurry.

The fuck?

~~blur~~

Should be darker.

Should be more dark blue and less green.

Looks good.

It’ll do.

Grades

Editing: 4.5/5. Nothing that wrong in all the stuff I screenshotted, but still plenty of room to improve. It could especially use some work in making the kids’ lines more informal/natural. Those lines should also almost always use contractions. Also, there were a few errors in the ED but I don’t particularly care about that.

Typesetting: B-. It’s there, but it’s obvious that someone good did a few of the signs and someone less good did the others.

Timing: There was way too much lead-in on a bunch of lines (probably like 30 or 40 that I noticed) which was incredibly annoying. Also like <5 lines that should’ve been snapped but weren’t because of fake keyframes probably.

This entry was posted by herkzz.

6 thoughts on “Editing/typesetting review: [UTW] Shinsekai Yori – 02

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