Script Review: [HorribleSubs] Natsuyuki Rendezvous – 01
The Dusk Maiden of the new season.
+ Eastern/Spoken name order
– No opening or ending translation
“Even Tora had an easier time conveying his feelings to the Madonna.”
It’s not that he would’ve held back his feelings, bur rather, Tora would’ve had an easier time doing so compared to this limp-dick protagonist. See the translation note at the top of the screenshot for details.
This line is awesome because it reveals more of the protagonist’s spineless antics, but also reveals the sick romanticism that’s been perpetuated in his mind. He’s this guy who’s too much of a pussy to just go for the girl, so he goes through this roundabout way to get her attention. He probably has this unhealthy idea of love he’s hoping for. Only time will tell if he gets over his immaturity and grows as a person before he gets the girl… or dies of cancer.
Female writers are pretty good about this. They’re feminine and totally in touch with their feelings and stuff, so they know how to characterize archetypes and feelings in a way that makes everything seem so real—more so than a shonen or seinen authors, anyway.
“Sorry to make you do all this” or “Sorry for the trouble.”
“It’s no problem at all! / But it all seems so sudden, Akko-chan.”
Crunchyroll’s “Sorry to put you out” seems a little excessive. “Put out” does mean “to inconvenience,” but seriously, when there are way more common alternatives for casual conversation, just go with that, please. 99% of problems in subtitles could be avoided if the translator or editor simply asked himself, “Is there a simpler, more common way of saying the same thing?” The other 1% would be a character who legitimately speaks differently and requires special treatment, but those are few and far in between.
When I first started subbing, I thought titles like “Manager,” “Dorm Mistress,” and so on were okay, but now they’ve come to bother me greatly. No English speaker would really say these titles. Only “master” would be appropriate for a butler, maid, or whatever to say to his or her employer. Even then, that’s quite a stretch. There are a couple more valid examples, but they’re honestly fringe elements that don’t apply to everyday situations like this scene. Ideally, the subs should say the closest English equivalent, which is the character’s name or something else (e.g., “hey,” “mister,” “miss,” etc.).
Too bad Crunchyroll doesn’t do alternate dialogue styles, so I had no idea which dialogue path to follow without pausing to connect the dialogue.
Oh, Clannadman’s first line should be “How can she say that when she’s still so young?” I appreciate the attempt at a sports metaphor, Crunchyroll, but the line just falls so flat.
“She’s just letting me come into her place like it’s nothing… / She should at least know what it means to let a man in the house.”
The original phrasing reeks of literal translation. Trailing fragments like these are horrible to read most of the time. They’re probably fine in Japanese, so there’s nothing wrong with converting them to complete English sentences. It’s the same message in a much sexier package.
Or “What’s gotten into you?”
I think “What’s gotten into you?” is more common nowadays. My suggestion is legitimately 16.4% better than Crunchyroll’s line, but theirs could’ve been worse.
She’s from the future?! Okay, this joke’s gotten old.
Overuse of “has” and “had” really grinds my gears. The majority of those sentences can easily be restructured, reworded, or avoided and probably result in much better subtitles. Active verbs, man. In this case, just replace “he’s” with “he,” and oh my god, instant improvement.
“I’m asking if you can see me.” (Haunting Husband is inquiring Pussy Protagonist about the protagonist’s ability to see him. Protagonist-kun is surprisingly unamused, i.e., giving zero fucks, which leads the husband to inquire further.)
Moving on the subs… I swear to God, dakara is another one of those constantly shittily translated phrases. It doesn’t have to be “I’m saying,” “like I said,” etc., etc. ad nauseam. This show is so good, but the script is just killing me here. It deserves so much better.
“Till death do us part” or “Till death us do part.” “Do us” is apparently more common in the US, once again showing why American English is the greatest.
Well, at least you know this Crunchyroll translator is most definitely single.
I also would’ve accepted “Holy shit.”
“You should be more cautious” or something.
Crunchyroll, stop ruining a good show with your pathetic subs, god-flapjacks-dammit.
No. Just no.
“Are you surprised?”
I… I don’t even… This is just ruining the entire scene. Fuck you, Crunchyroll. Hire someone better or stick an actual editor on the show.
“I’ve been floating around all this time without anybody bothering me, / and the first person who does notice me finds me annoying.”
Words can’t express how shitty Crunchyroll has been for this release. This is hands-down one of the worst releases I’ve seen from them. Sure, everything is understandable, but almost all traces of characterization, plot buildup, etc. have been obliterated. I almost, almost want to go out of my own grading scale to punish this release even more. But… I have standards I must adhere to.
Boys over flowers, they say.
This girl is just so perfect. Ponytail? Check. Glasses? Check. Outgoing personality? Check. If only 2D were real…
“He’s dead, so he should act like it, / not keep her to himself, and let me have a shot.”
There are only so many ways I can say, “I hate you, Crunchyroll.”
“Don’t ‘oh’ me!” or “Is that all?”
I don’t really remember what this line was about, but hey, there’s a pretty rainbow, so… there’s that.
What I liked:
What do you want me to say? Everything made sense. Nothing especially wrong grammatically. This is like borderline average, though.
+ Barely acceptable dialogue
What I didn’t like:
Oh, there’s a lot to dislike. The dialogue was understandable, but it completely destroyed all the “moments” this show had. Call it awkward, an incompetent translator, whatever. For professionals, it’s absolutely abysmal. This is one show where, even if you care about speed or literalshit, I implore you to seek out other options. It’s not as bad as Hadena, but it damn well tries to be. Never before has the lack of style or tone in subtitles so negatively impacted the show.
– Horrible, horrible, horrible tone for the dialogue
– Dialogue ruins the show
Rating: 3 beautiful sisters can’t make up for this mess… out of 5.