Script Review: [gg] Eureka Seven AO – 01

Hey, everyone. I’ll be working with yukiatsuruko in order to get script reviews done for the other shows this season, and I’ll be following his review format for the sake of consistency across all the script reviews.

First up is gg’s Eureka Seven AO.

r/a/ge level: 50/100. It’s gg, which is usually reason enough. No honorifics, english/romaji kara. I have no idea what name order they’re using because I didn’t see anyone actually referred to by full name in this episode, but I assume Western.

This line is a bit too long for the allotted time (640ms). I’d probably rephrase it to something shorter – “Got your inhaler?” is the best I can think of right now, which is still pushing it but much more readable.

This should be “any more”. I think it’d also read a bit more naturally with some emphasis on the “be”, but that might just be me.

derp

I had to think about this line for a moment before I really understood it, which isn’t a good sign. Rephrasing this to something like “He only just settled down in the forest” would read a bit better. In fact, this whole exchange could probably use some rewording because it’s kind of awkwardly structured right now. e.g. “Why bother moving Noah to safety if you’re not even sure that what you saw will really happen?” or something along those lines.

“You know what I’m talking about, right?”

That’s not how you use that idiom. If anything it’d be “The Japanese army will lead us to them, safe and sound” assuming that’s actually what was meant.

“What are you doing!” should have a question mark.

Cool overlapping text, bro. I hope the name of that satellite isn’t important because it’s impossible to read it without turning the subtitles off.

This should be “while we still can”, though since “hurry” isn’t very descriptive you might as well just rewrite it to “We should get out of here while we still can!”

She doesn’t exclaim this and it doesn’t really sound natural besides. “Thank goodness.” or “That’s a relief.” would work better, I think.

This line starts too late, but whatever. It could also be rewritten to sound a bit more natural.

Two different tenses in one sentence? I assume this should be “We believed you would deliver it as agreed.”

You can’t pluralize “word” here. You can keep your word, or you can keep your promises, but not that. The “Your prickly words” retort is kind of awkward as well so I’d probably just rewrite those lines.

Apparently this should be “I can never win when she uses her sickness in an argument.” I’d probably write it as something like “I can never win the argument once she plays the sickness card.”

A chance to do what? Based on the context it’s possible that “chance” should be “choice”, but this line has me confused.

I’ve put way too many images into this post already so I mostly just skimmed over the rest. It’s pretty much more of the same.

What I liked:

A lot of lines read well enough and the script for the most part steered clear of really awkward phrasing. I was able to understand what was going on pretty well throughout. It’s certainly watchable.

What I didn’t like:

This release could really use more editing effort, not only to spot the more obvious derps and idiom misuse but to also pick out the more awkwardly phrased lines and rewrite them into something more natural. Most of the grammar and spelling was fine outside of the examples shown above, but there were a lot of other unnaturally phrased lines that I didn’t bother to screenshot. Basically, editor needs to edit more.

Overall Grade: 3/5

This entry was posted by Xythar.

You know you want to comment.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: