Translation review: [UTW-Underwater] Tasogare 01
I think calling it the “Detective Club” is kind of missing the point. The paranormal part is what it should focus on.
Not “today”, “until this day” at least. “List the rumors circulating in the school about paranormal activity.”
Tomfoolery sounds really weird to me coming from a high school girl.
The first and second half of the episode uses the same lines, so it’s quite a fun challenge to phrase them in a way that makes sense in both context and stays funny at the same time. It’s handled well. (I haven’t actually compared the lines, I trust the people of the group enough to assume they paid attention to that.)
This sounds like the student pinched his own neck until he started bleeding.
I like U2 as well but putting “you two” in two lines following each other doesn’t feel right.
I wasn’t sure about the object here, but thinking about it I guess this line is right.
The whole situation is hilarious, and “mess around” is a fine word choice.
She doesn’t say “perpetuum mobile” and it’s unnecessary as well.
This scene is quite well done, though it could’ve been a bit more ambiguous.
This feels strained. It can’t be so hard to find two words of the right meaning that start with the same letter.
“It is said her grave is there.” “I believe” is not right and “lies buried” is unnecessarily in conflict with later stuff (that she isn’t buried there).
“Holy shit” doesn’t fit, and a grave can’t fall over. A gravestone can.
The ending song translation is all right.
I think here 人影 (hitokage) is intended to mean figure or form and not shadow.
A good translation with only a few derps. The editing is quite weird though, some lines are out of character and it doesn’t flow as smoothly as I’d have expected it. I’m in a really difficult situation, because there were no translation mistakes worthy of mention, but the whole script just doesn’t feel “great”. I really liked the font choices though for the main dialog and the song.